I’m certain there’s an argument / discussion / debate to be had about ranking the various aspects and experiences of what it is to be a Carer.
But perhaps impulsively, I would wager right now, that the constant adapting to rhythms and tempos is probably the hardest thing to deal with.
There is no constancy, consistency, regularity conducive to a sense of mental stability and well-being. The needs and demands are sporadic throughout the day, week and month – and you have to change and adapt constantly. For anything substantial that you want to do for yourself, requiring sustained effort, concentration, or attention – oblitterated and decimated instantly by the staccato-esque distractions required of you.
I suppose having a musician’s background of sorts – I should be able to understsand, rudimentarily at least, the music being played. But it’s a Jazz man’s improvisatory skills one probably needs to thrive on this dynamic. And I was only ever classically trained – which is more my style: generally on the beat, perfectionist in nature, following strict instructions with a very specific interpretation, and little leeway for doing it your own way, in your own style, for how it suits you…
Is it a paradox to say that the only consistency, is the inconsistency? Fuck knows.